Guy Verbose - The Big Deletion

It's a dark night in a suburb without streetlights. But on the first floor of a split-level home in the heart of Ravens Way, one man is trying to figure out why he is the way he is and committing what he finds to paper: Guy Verbose, introverted private eye.

 

The Big Deletion  

Thursday, July 16. It’s hot in Ravens Way, thanks to a summertime heatwave that’s pushing the mercury over 100 during the day and keeping the nighttime temps in the high 80s. That’s enough to keep me indoors more than usual, and the change in routine has me looking for things to do. 

Tonight, I’ve already watched a movie, eaten food I shouldn’t have, and watched the tail end of a silly cop show. I also spent some time writing and posted it to my website. Now I’m lying on the living room couch in the dark, staring at the ceiling, and wondering what to do with myself. 

I should go to bed, but the sooner I fall asleep, the sooner I have to go to work. I hate my job, so I stay up out of spite. 

Granted, I don’t stay up as late as I used to.  Now that I’m older, dragging my nights out to 2:00 am is no longer in the cards. That said, I do occasionally find myself on the couch at 12:30 or even 1:00 am. Am I tired the next day? Absolutely, but you know,  I never seem to regret it.

The experts call this behavior “bedtime procrastination” and say the desire for autonomy is a leading psychological reason for such behavior. 

“Our lives are often dictated by external obligations like work, family, and social commitments. This leads to a subconscious desire to reclaim control over one’s time, creating a sense of choice and a ‘tomorrow aversion.’ The time spent procrastinating may represent a moment of rebellion against the burdens placed upon us during the day.”(1)

Guilty as charged. (Revolution now!) I mean, who the fuck is in charge here?  

Not so long ago, I would fill these empty evening hours on my phone, scrolling through Instagram (and to a lesser extent Facebook), with the TV on in the background. However, I recently deleted my social media accounts after realizing my feed contained more advertisements than updates from my “friends.” Surely this was no accident. The people behind these ads — pitches for courses promoting career coaches and get-rich-quick schemes, spurious medical devices, beauty products, and affiliate marketing programs — paid for the chance to capture my attention, and clearly, Meta was all too happy to oblige. But Meta got greedy (as one would expect) and made a calculated bet that I’d let them pummel me with ads rather than risk social suicide. Meta was wrong. The mental pollution became too much, so I pulled the plug on my profiles (with gusto). Afterward, I imagined I would spend these newly freed hours being productive. It didn't turn out that way.

This is the thing about autonomy: exercising it feels great, but acting in one’s own interest can set off a chain of events whose outcomes can’t always be predicted. Yes, the ramifications of a person staying up later than he should or Meta going hog wild on advertising are easy to forecast, but who would have guessed that dropping my social media would leave me raw-dogging my bedtime procrastination?

Oh well, I guess I’ll read a book.  

______ 

Notes:

(1) This quote comes from the article, "8 Reasons Why People Resist Going to Bed," available on the Psychology Today website.